June 2010
1 post
Tool time.
Peggy: oh no i didnt want to see this! http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/1936/slide6childga9.jpg
he’s ready for a role on home improvement
November 2009
1 post
Taylor Swift is spinning in her mansion
Tate: “She smells like flowers, I look like Screech Powers”
Peggy: “She wears her midriff bare, I wear Kikwear.”
Tate: “She’s got mad bank, I like Hoobastank”
Peggy: “She’s got a new perm, i’ve got ring worm”
Tate: “She’s a great hostess, I’ve got halitosis”
Peggy: “She dates that guy from...
October 2009
1 post
Ho Chi Milkshake.
Tate: “just one of the guys”
you should refer him to the movie on the subject
Peggy: that flick makes me depressed like wasting a saturday afternoon indoors eating nacho cheese with no chips so substituting triscuits or some shit
Tate: HAHHAHAHAHA
Peggy: you KNOW what im talkin about!
Tate: most elaborate snack analogy
Peggy: no chocolate milk lets see…oh man i guess i...
September 2009
1 post
Hot cross puns.
Tate: side note: we should start a tea company called “leaf me tea”
or is two puns too much for a three-word title?
Peggy: LOL
i think you know the answer to that
Tate: hahah yeah
needs one more pun
Peggy: hahah
‘needs more dog’
August 2009
1 post
The procedure that goes to 11.
Peggy: yea they gave her a spinal tap.
eeeeeew
Tate: AHHHHHH
I’d be like “just let me die”
Peggy: i would be like “uhm no”
hahahah
seriously!
“i’ll eat like a king till i die”
Tate: why do they have to call it that?
Peggy: i know
eeeeeeeeeew
Tate: they need to hire a PR team to rebrand spinal taps
shroud the process in at least a little...
July 2009
1 post
The review "Play Enjoyed by All" speaks for itself
Editor’s Note: this ‘conversation’ actually took place via text message. I think that makes it all the more amazing - Tate
Tate: I just read that they are turning “The Notebook” into a musical and are holding open casting. We should try out. I wanna play the old man.
Peggy: If you’re the old man, then I’m the old woman.
“If you’re a bird,...
June 2009
1 post
I don't even want any, I just bought a pity glass.
Tate: it was SO hot out that swimming felt great
a thermometer said it was 97 degrees
Peggy: HAHAH
‘a thermometer”
some thermometer
i don’t know how reputable he was
Tate: but as I pointed out, that thermometer was conveniently the sign for a waterpark, and is therefore always 10-20 degrees higher
Peggy: HAHAHHAHHAHAHAH
they hire some guy to stand under it with a space...
May 2009
7 posts
the revolution has been sitting in your fridge for...
Peggy: cockroaches are shrouded in mystery to me. much like miracle whip
Tate: hahah I will take away the mystery from miracle whip for you:
mayonaise+sugar
Peggy: hahahha
thats funny cuz they have this really aggressive new ad campaign that seeks to distance it from mayo
they are defining themselves in opposition to mayo
they’re like the malcolm x of food spreads
Tate: LOL
by...
not an actual doctor.
Peggy: i think thats worth a dr visit
Tate: really? my primary care physician, WebMD, didn’t seem too concerned
The B-sides you never wanna hear
Tate: when you first start dating someone you definitely get the “greatest hits” of their personality
Peggy: HAHA
totally
Tate: but after a few months you get the shit that shoulda been left on the cutting room floor
Peggy: it’s all “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “We Are the Champions” all the time
Tate: hahahahah
Peggy: by the end it’s just Freddie...
"why did they program me to feel pain?"
Peggy: look, no i’m not about to lay alone in bed watching The Notebook
don’t even imply it
i need desserts tho!
Tate: hahahahha
I did that recently
I was like “why does everyone like this movie?”
but thought that as I gently wept
Peggy: HAHHH
that movie is like Chris Rock fishin for women with his porsche.. “I GOTChA BITCH!”
Tate: hahahhaha
Peggy: i...
Top notch customer service.
Peggy: some woman just stuck her head in the door and goes “your flower pots are GORGEOUS”
Tate: LOL
Peggy: i told her to get lost
Re: Craigslist personals
Tate: “you’re awfully picky for someone with no irises”
Peggy: LOL
Tate: you had me at “true gentalman”
Peggy: hahahhahaha
Tate: it’s like, dude, you are posting an ad on craigslist
contrary to what you may think it is not = to rubbing a genie-filled lamp
Peggy: LOL dammit!!!!!
i was hoping it is
Tate: me too
What Smokey (the Bear - not Robinson) would say.
Tate: I commented back
also thinking I was funny(on YourSpace)
you answered YourSpace as in MySpace
the correct answer is MySpace as in YourSpace
Peggy: HAHAHAHA
Tate: it is amazing what things come up when you google image search “love warrior”
Peggy: hahahahahahah
don’t reverse that one either
Tate: lol
Peggy: warrior love, wolf dick
April 2009
9 posts
I'll have the taco plate
Tate: omg - I8tacos is available as a CA plate
Peggy: HAHAHAHHAHH
Tate: past tense
Peggy: naturally…then if you get pulled over for speeding you can be all
”didn’t you read my plate!!?”
Initiating a conversation 101
Peggy: heyo
Tate: heyyyyyyy
Peggy: i have no follow up
Tate: hahahhaha I can update you on my vitals
kind of sleepy and craving chocolate as per us
Peggy: omg..its like looking into a living snow mirror
Buying stamps.
Tate: “can I get like 100 of those ‘jury duty’ stamps?
Peggy: hahahha “can i get 74 of those?”
Tate: “no I only need 74”
New unit of time.
Peggy: tonight is this celebrity party which you should totally come to because you already have an award winning costume!!
Tate: ooooohhh yeah
it’s being used to stuff the windows
Peggy: its $25 all u can drink/eat for 4 hours
how much is 4 hours worth of potato skins
Tate: LOL
Peggy: i will have to find out
Tate: the tato skins unit of time
I’ll be here for about 6 tato skins
the happiest place/oldest woman on earth
Peggy: organists, ice cream, stage shows
they should have made the corpse of annette funicello animatronic and incorporated it into the show
is she even dead?
i’m a terrible person
Tate: LOL I think she’s still alive
Peggy: if she is alive, i’ll give you 10 to 1 odds she now wears blue blockers blublockers
she is an “oldest older adult”
Tate: hahahahah
Peggy:...
Reason #653 why I love Peggy
Email subject: “<——needs ur help…cleanin up the tumblr. (and i don’t mean the new batmobile..i just had that detailed yesterday)”
Cosby at Costco
Peggy: hahahahhahaha oh no that mustve been awkward
Tate: yeah I feel like that stuff is more awkward with a comedian because you expect them to be funny all the time
Peggy: yea totally..like running into bill cosby at costco
Tate: that’s why when comedians die people just don’t know what to do
Peggy: hahahha so true
Tate: they’re like “… oh...
Juff Man....can't breathe
Peggy: hahah yea
ughhhhhhhhhhh
this needs to end before i say something i regret
Tate: like “kiss me, you fool”
Peggy: LOL
Tate: that’s always how fights play out on the silver screen
instead of like walking into the next room with the bag of pop secret
in awkward and prolonged silence
Peggy: HAHAHH
taking deep slow huffs out of the popcorn bag
Tate: knocking stuff over...
March 2009
10 posts
Backdraft the Ride, important meetings
Tate: which amazes me that anyone EVER cared about backdraft enough to necessitate an attraction
Peggy: I DO! billy baldwin is hotter than the blazes they battle in that movie
Tate: hahahha nice fire puns
they used to have a cool et ride but replaced it with a ‘mummy’ ride like a bunch of dumbasses
…
I can’t believe I wrote “12p - mario lopez” in my...
Road v. plate
Peggy: i LOVE these commercials for mama lucia meatballs
Tate: I don’t think i’ve seen them
Peggy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKQnZijIvt8
Tate: hahahahahah i like that you said you LOVE them
Peggy: how is that even a real commercial..its so SNL
Tate: only two options: on the road or on a plate
Peggy: LOL
Tate: if you want to eat meatballs in a bowl, you need to look...
Re: Terrible's Resort in Primm, NV
Peggy: haha oh yea that place “where are you staying?”
“oh, over at the Terrible”
Tate: “how is it?”
“well… let’s just say it’s not just a catchy name”
Peggy: LOL
Tate: I’m going to open a chain called “best hotel”
Peggy: the problem with that is you’re really painting yourself into an expectation...
RIP Rodney Dangerfield
Tate: this speech has more stuffing than a build-a-bear workshop
i can make you thin(k about pubes)
Peggy: i’ve been watching this new show on the learning channel called “i can make you thin” and they tell you when you have a craving for your favorite food, you’re supposed to picture it…but with pubes all over it
Tate: ewwwwwww
that’s simultaneously gross and hilarious
Peggy: i know..hahah. they dont actually say pubes, you’re supposed to picture it...
Some vinyl glue needed.
Peggy: btw do you still have an air mattress..i’m gonna need somewhere to live
Tate: for you, baby, I’ll BUY you an aerobed
(used, from craigslist)
Peggy: hahahhahahaha
that was implied
cmon, i know you
Tate: exactly
Peggy: but it’ll be really nice and a great value
Tate: I’m all “it only needed like, 6 lifeboat patch kits, and it was FREE!”
(didn't occur to me)
Peggy: my mom just found this popup book about panthers i made in gradeschool entitled “leopards, also available in black”
the first page says “roses are red, violets are blue, some leopards are black. Did that ever occur to you?”
Tate: did that ever occur to you, dipshit?
Truth in advertising.
Peggy: my niece is listening to the radio and she just said “spicy chicken bladders from taco bell”
how right she is
"Dental dam!" "Lisa needs braces..."
Peggy: dude! i had to do this cpr training the other day…and they made us use like dental dams
if you HAPPENED to have one of those on you when u needed to give cpr..you would suffocate the person with it
they’re straight up offensive..put your mouth on their mouth for gods sake
Tate: they’re dying and you’re all patting your pockets “just a second, I know I have...