Tate: “She smells like flowers, I look like Screech Powers”

Peggy: “She wears her midriff bare, I wear Kikwear.”

Tate: “She’s got mad bank, I like Hoobastank”

Peggy: “She’s got a new perm, i’ve got ring worm”

Tate: “She’s a great hostess, I’ve got halitosis”

Peggy: “She dates that guy from twilight, i’m staying in tonight”

Tate: “She’s high school nobility, I’ve got -5 agility”

Tate: “just one of the guys”

you should refer him to the movie on the subject

Peggy: that flick makes me depressed like wasting a saturday afternoon indoors eating nacho cheese with no chips so substituting triscuits or some shit

Tate: HAHHAHAHAHA

Peggy: you KNOW what im talkin about!

Tate: most elaborate snack analogy

Peggy: no chocolate milk lets see…oh man i guess i COULD have ovaltine
i could try to grind up some chocolate chips
that wont work

Tate: yeah like the other day when I made chili but had no sour cream, so I tried cream cheese
NOT the same

Peggy: hahah eeew exactly!!
“they both say cheese..”

Tate: grind up some chocolate chips hahaha
or you look at some powdered milk and cocoa powder

Peggy: hahah yea!!

Tate: in theory, this should work great

Peggy: thats what they said about communism though

Tate: hahahah

Peggy: i dont want to become the ho chi mihn of makeshift beverages

Tate: that’s why russia’s #1 export now is mail order brides

Peggy: hahahhahahhahahhahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you say that like it’s a bad thing

Tate: side note: we should start a tea company called “leaf me tea”

or is two puns too much for a three-word title?

Peggy: LOL

i think you know the answer to that

Tate: hahah yeah

needs one more pun

Peggy: hahah

‘needs more dog’

Peggy: yea they gave her a spinal tap.

eeeeeew

Tate: AHHHHHH

I’d be like “just let me die”

Peggy: i would be like “uhm no”

hahahah

seriously!

“i’ll eat like a king till i die”

Tate: why do they have to call it that?

Peggy: i know

eeeeeeeeeew

Tate: they need to hire a PR team to rebrand spinal taps

shroud the process in at least a little mystery

Peggy: what would they call it though? back syrum aquisition

Tate: hahahha

Peggy: they should just call it like “cotton candy eating contest”

Tate: hahah yeah exactly

Peggy: just so when you get it it’s especially horrible

“i thought i was here for the hay ride followed by megan fox kissing booth!”

Tate: lol

“puppy hug”

Peggy: puppy hug!!!

next time i play laser tag that’s my handle

PUPPYHUG

Tate: hahah that’s the best

when you see me on to catch a predator, it’ll be like “PUPPYHUG2004”

Peggy: HAHHA

you’d be the guy who just walks in and charges straight at the decoy

Tate: hahahah

nose touch

“I knew it was a setup when she said she baked brownies”

Editor’s Note: this ‘conversation’ actually took place via text message. I think that makes it all the more amazing - Tate

Tate: I just read that they are turning “The Notebook” into a musical and are holding open casting. We should try out. I wanna play the old man.

Peggy: If you’re the old man, then I’m the old woman.

“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird!”

Tate: Hahah. We’ll even bring our own music: “Can’t you remember all the things we did? Can’t you tell these are your own kids?!”

Peggy: “Your father says I wasn’t suitable for ya / so I hung off the ferris wheel for ya”

“Your dad was a prick, your mother was satan / your memory is worse than the book this is based on”

Tate: it was SO hot out that swimming felt great

a thermometer said it was 97 degrees

Peggy: HAHAH

‘a thermometer”

some thermometer

i don’t know how reputable he was

Tate: but as I pointed out, that thermometer was conveniently the sign for a waterpark, and is therefore always 10-20 degrees higher

Peggy: HAHAHHAHHAHAHAH

they hire some guy to stand under it with a space heater every 20 minutes

Tate: “oh my god! 100 degrees! we better stop and get refreshed at that waterpark!”

hahahaha worst job ever on a hot day

the only reprieve is that you get to go back into a WATERPARK

Peggy: we should set up a lemonade stand in front with a sign that says “a refreshing alternative to waterslides”

Tate: lol

Peggy: but fineprint that says “does not substitute for lazy rivers”

Tate: extra bonus meaning on ‘refreshing alternative’

Peggy: haha and more fine print that says “25 cents a cup means a 1 dollar bill and we keep the change”

Tate: hahahaha

as is usually the fine print at a lemonade stand

that’s why Lemonade Tycoon is totally unrealistic

Peggy: LOL

Tate: “I said 25 cents and I only made $5 today”

Peggy: cockroaches are shrouded in mystery to me. much like miracle whip

Tate: hahah I will take away the mystery from miracle whip for you:

mayonaise+sugar

Peggy: hahahha

thats funny cuz they have this really aggressive new ad campaign that seeks to distance it from mayo

they are defining themselves in opposition to mayo

they’re like the malcolm x of food spreads

Tate: LOL

by spready means necessary

…..

Peggy: http://www.facebook.com/miraclewhip?v=app_7146470109&viewas=638342351#/miraclewhip?v=info&viewas=566005908

Tate: omg

‘standing up to bland’

“I’m a flavor rights activist”

Peggy: HAHA

“it’s really a subject i’d like to throw my weight behind..

and by weight i mean the extra 10 lbs a year gained from sandwich spreads”

Peggy: i think thats worth a dr visit

Tate: really? 
my primary care physician, WebMD, didn’t seem too concerned

Tate: when you first start dating someone you definitely get the “greatest hits” of their personality

Peggy: HAHA

totally

Tate: but after a few months you get the shit that shoulda been left on the cutting room floor

Peggy: it’s all “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “We Are the Champions” all the time

Tate: hahahahah

Peggy: by the end it’s just Freddie Mercury’s drunken slurrings into an answering machine

and berating the woman in the drive thru window

Peggy: look, no i’m not about to lay alone in bed watching The Notebook

don’t even imply it

i need desserts tho!

Tate: hahahahha

I did that recently

I was like “why does everyone like this movie?”

but thought that as I gently wept

Peggy: HAHHH

that movie is like Chris Rock fishin for women with his porsche.. “I GOTChA BITCH!”

Tate: hahahhaha

Peggy: i especially like how the woman with alzheimers embodies the viewers excitement/anticipation, but ironically it is about her own story

Tate: it’s like a litmus test for human women

“didn’t cry during The Notebook, must be cyborg”